As Poetess Wug as dubbed this "Say what you need to say" day, I thought I might as well contribute to this. Please be sure to check her letter out as well! Here Now here is a letter and some thoughts I would love to send to my mother.
Dear Mom,
It's been 46 years since you left me. I didn't even get to hug you and say "goodbye!" You were so young and I was only 10 years old. I still needed you so much!! When you died, it became my job to see to it that my little sister (3 yrs. old) was cared for, and my brothers were fed. I was too young!! I had no clue what to do!...... But somehow we made it through. Dad was such a good man and made sure we had what we needed. He did his best, and I love him so much for it!
I grew up and got married (you would love my husband!). Remember when I was a little girl and you were always saying how much you wanted to be a grandma? Well guess what..... I had 2 sons!! They were a joy to raise! But I have to tell you that something happened when my oldest turned 10. I panicked because I had no idea how to be a mom from that time forward, because I didn't have you to teach me! I'm sorry I became so angry with you. The doctor said that was probably the first time I mourned your death. I always tried to stay strong for the rest of the family. Well, anyway, my wonderful husband set me down and reassured me things would be alright because now he would take over. And guess what? It worked! We successfully raised them to be kind, considerate and loving Christian men! And they married women who are also! Now you're a great grandma too! Two wonderful children..... a boy and a girl both bi-lingual in English and Spanish! You would be so proud. I only wish you were here to enjoy them. I know you will..... someday.... real soon!!
I'll see you in the near future!
Your loving daughter, Cindy
Oh Cindy, I'm sitting here in tears. What a good woman you are!! And how special to know that somehow, even without your mom's watchful eye, you figured it out!! When you look back at your life, how proud you shoul.. be...with a wonderful husband and 2 wonderful sons and daughter-in-laws to share your life...and a Wug in Massachusetts that's very grateful and happy she met you! Love you my friend. :-]
ReplyDeleteThank you Wug!! I didn't mention the fact that I had a nervous breakdown when my son was 10. But that IS how it affected me. You are such a good friend and sister! I can't wait to meet you in person! I love you too!
ReplyDeleteSo this day is going to be a teary day for me :S Just read Wug's letter too. I can't imagine what you have been through but I can clearly say that you are so brave and you made it through! I'm sure your children are as wonderful as you are and that your mom would be so proud of you!!!
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It is a teary day, isn't it! Thanks so much for your thoughts Mariann. I've put my past in the past and try to leave it there for now. It was a hard letter to write. I appreciate your comments more than you know!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, my mom had a nervous breakdown too. I thought that was what you meant when I read it. Experience with reading BETWEEN the lines. :-)
ReplyDeleteCindy... like you, I was SO angry at my mom when she passed away and "left me" when I was 23. I had no idea how I was going to make it without her. After a loving chastisement about being selfish from a dear friend I was able to see she was better not here suffering (sigh!). I had my mom much longer than you had yours but not nearly long enough. What a blessing that you had a loving support system with a strong spiritual base! I'm sure your mom has been with you in spirit all the way... just like mine has been with me.
ReplyDeleteAlicia, I'm sorry you went through it too. I didn't realize how angry I was till I got older. I realize that that is all a part of the grieving process and it's "normal" to feel anger, so I've accepted that part. Yes, my strong spiritual base is what has kept me going all these years. I look forward to seeing her again.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comment!
CinLynn,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age. I lost mine 14 years ago to a brain tumor.
I was 32 years old when I lost her and it was very difficult for me because she was the glue in the family. If it was this hard on me as and adult I can't even imagine what it would feel like for a child. It is important to have a supportive and loving family. I'm glad that you were strong enough to continue on your lifes journey with the help of your faith. Yes it was a teray day but how great to have found others who understand. May God bless you and your family.
It's never easy, they say, to lose a parent. I'm sorry for your loss as well, Snowflake!! Thanks so much for your nice comment too!
ReplyDeleteThis letter made me tear up a bit...it's very touching. I'm sure your mom is very proud!
ReplyDeleteThanks PonderandStitch. It really made me feel better to write it. I miss her so much.
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